looking forward to 2010

It's strange, but I can't quite feel the Christmas spirit. More than anything, I'm really looking forward to the new year.

It hasn't been a great year. So many tragedies, so many people died, and life has had so many unexpected twists and turns that I'd just gone along with. Everything just rushed by, and I feel like I've been on auto-pilot mode for so long, just trying to make it through it all.

Now that the new year and the new decade is looming, I've found myself pausing to think. When was the last time I consciously took the time out of my day to sit, write in my journal, and offer some sort of prayer? When was the last time I slowed down enough to soak my feet and relax a little? When was the last time I came home not feeling dead tired and had enough energy to really watch a good movie or a good show?

This is the year that all my aches and pains came out-- as I write this, I have a major backache that won't go away. It's the year I got diagnosed with GERD, aka the acid reflux thing that took away my coffee and booze. There are very few good things (like the Bangkok trip, my room renovation, and adventures with my love) that really stand out this year. Everything else is... eh. *shrug*

This year, I lost my routines. No regular sleeping and waking hours. No planners and time to even sit and plan the day. No order to the papers stuffed in my in tray. In 2010, I want to be able to wake up everyday at a certain hour, be at work by a certain time, and leave work at a certain time too. I want to simplify my life: get rid of the papers that I don't really need, bring less things in my bag, delete more emails.

So I think that more than anything, 2010 is the time to get out of my auto-pilot mode and start really living. And living at a pace that isn't frazzled or stressed or frenetic. I want to have enough time and energy to be with the people I love. I want to take better care of myself-- soak my feet when I come home, watch a good movie or read a good book, and okay, maybe even hit the gym so that my aches and pains will be of the good kind (still subject to negotiation, haha).

2010 is the year to live slowly and simply. It's the year to be present. It's the year I will start to actively live my life.