The Personality Test Junkie

My sister is at that point of her academic life where she must decide on her majors. Unlike other universities where you are identified by your major from freshman year, my sister's school has a different system: all students take up core subjects in their first two years, after which they apply for their major. For the longest time, my sister has wanted to take up Integrated Marketing Communications, seeing herself in the field of advertising after graduation. However, she didn't get accepted into the IMC program and must now apply for her second choice, which is Management.

All this has thrown her into a loop, realizing that maybe IMC and the thought of getting into the advertising industry has been her comfort zone for so long. This is the chance to get out of that comfort zone and discover if she's more fit to do other things. It was perfect timing that their guidance office administered those career and personality tests that are supposed to help you find your strengths and discover the industries you would thrive in, given your unique set of skills and talents.

Years after graduation, I find that I'm still a sucker for these kinds of tests. My mom made me read my sister's test results, and they were so accurate that I wanted to take the same test. Apparently, the MBTI Test is something that you have to pay for to take. This is the test that analyzes whether you are Extroverted or Introverted, Sensing or Intuitive, Thinking or Feeling, Judging or Perceiving-- your unique result is the combination of these four categories. The beauty of the Internet is that I found some site that gave the test for free. After answering a certain set of questions, my test results came up and I am an ISTJ (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging). I had to go to another site for my profile though, and I know the results are quite long, but I find it so accurate that I'm posting them here:

The Duty Fulfiller

As an ISTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living. They have a strongly-felt internal sense of duty, which lends them a serious air and the motivation to follow through on tasks. Organized and methodical in their approach, they can generally succeed at any task which they undertake.

ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings.

ISTJs tend to believe in laws and traditions, and expect the same from others. They're not comfortable with breaking laws or going against the rules. If they are able to see a good reason for stepping outside of the established mode of doing things, the ISTJ will support that effort. However, ISTJs more often tend to believe that things should be done according to procedures and plans. If an ISTJ has not developed their Intuitive side sufficiently, they may become overly obsessed with structure, and insist on doing everything "by the book".

The ISTJ is extremely dependable on following through with things which he or she has promised. For this reason, they sometimes get more and more work piled on them. Because the ISTJ has such a strong sense of duty, they may have a difficult time saying "no" when they are given more work than they can reasonably handle. For this reason, the ISTJ often works long hours, and may be unwittingly taken advantage of.

The ISTJ will work for long periods of time and put tremendous amounts of energy into doing any task which they see as important to fulfilling a goal. However, they will resist putting energy into things which don't make sense to them, or for which they can't see a practical application. They prefer to work alone, but work well in teams when the situation demands it. They like to be accountable for their actions, and enjoy being in positions of authority. The ISTJ has little use for theory or abstract thinking, unless the practical application is clear.

ISTJs have tremendous respect for facts. They hold a tremendous store of facts within themselves, which they have gathered through their Sensing preference. They may have difficulty understanding a theory or idea which is different from their own perspective. However, if they are shown the importance or relevance of the idea to someone who they respect or care about, the idea becomes a fact, which the ISTJ will internalize and support. Once the ISTJ supports a cause or idea, he or she will stop at no lengths to ensure that they are doing their duty of giving support where support is needed.

The ISTJ is not naturally in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others. They may have difficulty picking up on emotional needs immediately, as they are presented. Being perfectionists themselves, they have a tendency to take other people's efforts for granted, like they take their own efforts for granted. They need to remember to pat people on the back once in a while.

ISTJs are likely to be uncomfortable expressing affection and emotion to others. However, their strong sense of duty and the ability to see what needs to be done in any situation usually allows them to overcome their natural reservations, and they are usually quite supporting and caring individuals with the people that they love. Once the ISTJ realizes the emotional needs of those who are close to them, they put forth effort to meet those needs.

The ISTJ is extremely faithful and loyal. Traditional and family-minded, they will put forth great amounts of effort at making their homes and families running smoothly. They are responsible parents, taking their parenting roles seriously. They are usually good and generous providers to their families. They care deeply about those close to them, although they usually are not comfortable with expressing their love. The ISTJ is likely to express their affection through actions, rather than through words.

ISTJs have an excellent ability to take any task and define it, organize it, plan it, and implement it through to completion. They are very hard workers, who do not allow obstacles to get in the way of performing their duties. They do not usually give themselves enough credit for their achievements, seeing their accomplishments simply as the natural fulfillment of their obligations.

ISTJs usually have a great sense of space and function, and artistic appreciation. Their homes are likely to be tastefully furnished and immaculately maintained. They are acutely aware of their senses, and want to be in surroundings which fit their need for structure, order, and beauty.

Under stress, ISTJs may fall into "catastrophe mode", where they see nothing but all of the possibilities of what could go wrong. They will berate themselves for things which they should have done differently, or duties which they failed to perform. They will lose their ability to see things calmly and reasonably, and will depress themselves with their visions of doom.

In general, the ISTJ has a tremendous amount of potential. Capable, logical, reasonable, and effective individuals with a deeply driven desire to promote security and peaceful living, the ISTJ has what it takes to be highly effective at achieving their chosen goals - whatever they may be.

This is the third test I've taken since the Strengths Finder test and the ENNEAGRAM test. Try taking this test and see how accurate it is for you!

I hate this feeling.

I hate this.

The feeling that it's too good to be true when all seems right in the world. No major problems of the heart, family's healthy, friends are okay as okay can be, no world disasters, no storming to the streets to depose a president, everything's pretty steady. It gives me the sense that a storm must be brewing somewhere, just waiting to take you by surprise so that you don't see it coming.

It's such a pessimistic mentality, but can you blame me if the biggest trials I've faced were things that I really didn't see coming? Like a monthsary celebration that suddenly turned into the night of the "I'm in love with someone else and I think we should break up" speech. Like landing a job unexpectedly, only to be laid off just as unexpectedly because the company closed down on the owner's whim. In both occasions, the first instinct was to cry. Cry until it hurts inside. Then wander through the days in a daze, unsure of how you're managing to go through the motions. It's a dark place that makes you question everything-- somehow, all the positive things like pride in your accomplishments, belief in your abilities, comfort in knowing you are loved... they all seem like lies at this point. Like someone has been leading you on to believe all these things, only to pull the rug from beneath your feet. You wonder, why me? Why now? And of course, why didn't I see this coming?

I don't know if I prefer this over dying a slow death, just like my first relationship did. With that one, I just woke up one day and thought to myself, "I'm tired of all this. I don't want this anymore. I know I've tried my best to make this work and there really is no turning back." That moment came months and months after friends tried to open my eyes to the reality that, really, there was nothing left worth saving. I just had to arrive at that point myself. And when I did, there really was nothing left to say, nothing to look back on, making it much easier to focus on moving forward and building something new. The thought, though, that something you cherish is slowly dying... Should you spend all your energy trying to prevent something from breaking down, or should you save all that energy for dealing with the aftermath of a breakdown and for building something new from the ashes?

The storm is brewing. Maybe it's even arrived already, and will only increase in magnitude. I have this picture in my head of being atop a mountain, looking down at the valley, seeing people flee their homes and trying to rebuild from the wreckage, feeling powerless to help them and fearful that the storm could come and get me anytime. Because storms are that way: they tend to change course when you least expect them. So really, no one is safe. Do you leave before the storm hits, or do you stay and try to tough it out?

They say that how one deals with a crisis something about your character. If you flee before the storm hits, you seem like a coward (especially if the storm ends up dwindling into a light shower. What of you then?). If you tough it out, you run the risk of losing yourself in it, but also have the chance of emerging tougher and stronger than before. The latter sounds more appealing, even if it is much harder to do and often requires you to summon a strength you didn't know you had.

Sometimes the best thing to do in a storm is to stay put. Not run out to buy more batteries, not purge your home of anything breakable and potentially deadly in the event of a storm, none of that. Just sit. Keep everything as it is, watch the storm howling outside, maybe read a good book while you're at it. Stay put and things will return to normal, a better day will emerge whether or not you panic over the storm.

Maybe that's why people always discourage you from moping around after breaking up with someone or losing your job. Sulk for a few days, then keep going. Wake up every day, eat breakfast and brush your teeth after, and do what you've always done: hang out with friends, read a good book, smell the flowers. Because one day, that new love will come knocking, or you'll stumble on that opportunity that will lead you to a new career.

... okay, I'm now officially not making any sense. Talk about writing in... how does that go again? Write in white heat, edit in cold blood? That seems like a mixed idiom, like "barking around the wrong bush". Hmm... if you remember how that goes, drop me a line! Ciao!


(And no, none of this is about me. I'm all good... so far. Storm's brewing, as I said.)

the anti-vegetarian

Skinny Bitch just made a fatal mistake. It has just suggested that in order to be healthy, I have to become a vegetarian.

First, it bashed eating meat by arguing that animals are injected with all sorts of hormones, chemicals which, when ingested by humans, cause all sorts of diseases. Then, it turned its eye on dairy products, arguing that in the same way that a pregnant woman should watch what she eats and does (i.e. don't smoke, drink, or do drugs because it can harm the fetus), all the aforementioned hormones and chemicals that a chicken is exposed to definitely affects its eggs. Okay, fine, both are valid arguments. But it's not like plants are all that safe from our polluted environment either. It's not like plants don't have their fair share of harmful chemicals that come from pesticides and all that. So with that argument, I was okay with moving forward into the book.

The next chapter opened with this line: "If the first two chapters didn't convince you to stop eating animals and their products, maybe this one will." And then it proceeded to talk about what happens in a slaughterhouse. In. Full. Detail. With testimonies from people who have actually worked there.

Dude. Just because I love the burger doesn't mean I want to meet the cow and shake its hand to say, "Thank you for giving up your life just so I could enjoy your juicy meat in this burger." So I skipped the entire chapter.

Because the reality is, I'm not giving up my meat. I mean, as it is, I don't eat a lot of pork and beef. I'm not a person that loves sinigang, bulalo, kare-kare, caldereta, and all that. With certain cuts of meat, I just really need one piece because I shred it into little pieces. I'm really more of a chicken and seafood person. But this book is trying to take even that away from me. Even after I've made more of an effort to eat veggies (hello, Spiral Salad of KFC! a shoutout to Goolai's TexMex Salad, I miss yooooou!), and the fact that I like fruits and should really find a way to eat that more often.

Besides, I don't think becoming a vegetarian is just about a choice of diet or a stand against animal cruelty. It's a lifestyle, and not an easy one to maintain. It's not like today's malls are all that friendly to vegetarianism. Take a look at our wonderful, only-earns-money-at-lunchtime mall. I can't think of a place that has a meal with vegetables and nothing but. The meat is just everywhere. But okay, if you really wanted to turn vegetarian, there are probably other ways like bringing your own food or heading to the grocery to make your own meal. I just don't think it's fair to generalize that the way to become healthy is to turn completely vegetarian. 

So now I'm torn between sitting through the rest of the book (which has just finished bashing some U.S. government agency that supposedly protects the interest of the pro-meat delegation because almost everyone employed in that agency comes from that very industry), or just chucking it aside and moving on to the next one.

I wish it would tell me about carbohydrates and fats and what they do for your body instead. I wish it could've been more motivational. But what do you expect from a book that's entitled Skinny Bitch? It's being very bitchy indeed, imposing this meat-is-evil-and-plants-are-good philosophy as if it's all written down in black and white. Boo.

on finally letting go

I have been through two break-ups. Which pretty much means I've had my heart broken twice, and for the same reason at that. But for some reason, I was a believer of "maybe someday we can be friends." And even worse, I was a believer of "someday I'll tell my grandkids about you and the happy memories we had".

So I had the remnants of failed relationships sitting inside my cabinet, kept in their respective boxes-- an old Nokia box that held Ex #1's first gift to me, and a normal box covered in nice wrapping paper that help Ex #2's first gift to me. I had never really understood what all the fuss was about burning everything that reminds you of him and all that. I thought that it was enough for them to be out of sight, out of mind. Hence the boxes and the unopened cabinet that held them.

Here I am in Relationship Number 3. And out of nowhere, I thought of those two boxes and realized, "What the hell am I doing still hanging on to those?" Will I really pull my children unto my lap, dig up these boxes, and read to them old love letters that professed a love that ultimately died? Would I really pick up a candy wrapper and recount some story about how this was the first candy bar an Ex --a man not their father-- gave me eons ago?

It was stupid. And I finally saw the light.

And for the first time, my wonderful boyfriend supported my desire to own a piece of office equipment that other people don't normally want to have: a paper shredder. In his words, "Now, that's the best use for a paper shredder."

I found a dirt-cheap paper shredder at CD-R King: while shredders normally cost at least P2,000, I was able to get this one for P999. Looooove. It sat in my room and waited until I had enough time to open that closet and deal with the ghosts of the past once and for all.

"Once and for all" came this afternoon. I plugged in the shredder, opened the Box from Ex #1, took all the letters, and fed them into the shredder one by one. As I fed them into the shredder, I didn't even pause to read them. A few words caught my eye, terms of endearment I don't ever want to hear again, and everything just made me shudder. Particularly for Ex #1, I realized that all that was so ten years ago! And I was hanging on to these things from ten years ago! At first I thought of saving the pictures, but when I realized that I was cringing at the sight of them, into the shredder they went. Now the Box from Ex #1 is practically empty, save for my prom invite, his prom invite (which were pretty nice), earrings and a necklace. At least those are things I can decide on later.

Box from Ex #2 was almost the same story but not quite. I realized that most of the things in there were receipts, with notes on what we did on those dates. Gawd. How pathetic. Did I really think I was going to pick up a receipt and tell my kids, "Oh kids, I went out with this guy --not your dad-- to eat at this place for the first time. And look, we spent only P199.75 for two complete meals!" It wasn't going to happen, so I chucked all those receipts into the big black garbage bag. Then I fed all the letters into the shredder one by one, without reading them. I knew it was going to hurt if I read them because I had hoped Ex #2 would be The One. Coming from your first heartbreak, you always hope that the next one will be The One. And the way things ended, with the protracted emotional rollercoaster ride, only made things worse. Bad as it sounds, but it seems it will take a very long time before the happy memories with Ex #2 resurface, as only the pain remains for now.

Which brings me to this: why did I want to hang on to all these hurtful memories all these years? Why did I hang on to letters from a better time, when I knew that those professions of love were just words that didn't go anywhere? When I knew how the story had already ended? As I fed all the letters and pictures into the shredder, I realized that you don't need tangible things to remind you of the good times. If they were good times, they'll just stay with you, untarnished. They will always have the power to make you smile and say, "Yeah, the story didn't end well, but that was still a sweet thing to do/a really good day/a happy memory." And that's that. Happy memories have a way of being immortalized in your mind.

Maybe that's why in my current relationship, I haven't been stocking up any memorabilia. I don't have receipts from dates, I don't have handwritten notes on an exchange of text messages, I don't have love letters and pressed roses. But I do have a lot of memories, like a Valentines dinner spent in the office and still managed to be romantic, the look on his face when he first saw me in a dress, the time we went swimming together for his birthday, and a lot of smaller things that just pop up randomly in my head, making me smile out of the blue. And the tangible stuff that I do have always have a story: the grumpy Care Bear that will remind me on bad days that there's always someone else in a worse mood, the little red devil that was born out of an inside joke, the earrings he bought me after I lost the exact same pair, and the ring I wear every day that reminds me how I am loved.

And when you realize just how much love you really have in your life, it becomes so much easier to let go of all the things that were so ten years ago.

The 2009 reading list

Now that I'm done watching Seasons 1-3 of How I Met Your Mother, it's now time to resume my reading list. Here's how I'm doing so far:

The 2009 Reading List

1. The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

2. The Smart One and the Pretty One by Claire LaZebnik

3. Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin

4. A Place Called Here by Cecelia Ahern --> I need to read this already because this isn't my copy.

5. If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern

6. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel

7. Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Getting Things Done by David Allen

8. The Amber Room by Steve Berry

9. Doctors by Erich Segal

10. Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin

11. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

12. Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason by Helen Fielding

I'm currently reading Skinny Bitch, which is interesting and educational at the same time. Hopefully it will help me to start eating right and maybe convince me to join my officemates' Thursday Group, which aims to go jogging every Thursday at Ultra.

Because really, I'm probably the laziest person I know when it comes to exercise. I think I get bored with anything that needs a routine. I always think of ways to get some exercise, but never get around to doing them. So maybe, hopefully, reading this book will convince me to get off my lazy butt and get healthy.

Next on my list should be my boss' copy of A Place Called Here, just so I can return it already. I'm on the lookout for books that will form my next reading list after this one, like Live a Little by Kim Green, The Alexandria Link by Steve Berry, Be Careful What You Wish For by Alexandria Potter, and a whole lot of books I'm bound to discover on my next trip to the bookstore.

What's on your reading list this year?

Written in the Stars

Working in the magazine industry usually means getting first dibs at my year as it is written in the stars. I usually get a pretty well-rounded picture by checking out at least three versions of my yearly horoscope: Cosmopolitan's Bedside Astrologer (which has all the "hot days" and all that), Marie Claire (which usually balances my year in life, love, and career), and Town & Country (which devotes an entire page to each zodiac sign).

This year though, before I could get to any of the above, I stumbled upon this article in today's Inquirer, and my horoscope is SPOT. ON. See below:

Aries (March 21-April 19)

**** Just when you thought you were on cruise control, you hit a wall. Ouch. A wall is only an obstacle if you make it one. In learning that lesson, you will be able to tap into your creativity and find paths through the boulders of your year.

You have been absorbing a lot of extra work, or perhaps cannot find the job that knocks your socks off. Or you might toy with the idea of a new field. You have been challenged in the realm of your daily life and work. You can meet that challenge, too.

These issues have been lurking for a while. This year, you will wrestle with these problems and most likely will win.

Fall 2009 tosses a new perspective on relationships. If you are single, you could feel a tremendous emptiness you would want to fill. Out of this will come the readiness for that commitment.

Married Rams could be redefining their relationships, as their significant other might become cold or remote. Remember, this is only a passage, not an invitation to divorce.

Motto of the year: Expect many new insights to head your way. Use them to better your hand.

See what I mean? I tried looking at my friends' horoscopes, and they're eerily true too. Or at least, the horoscopes apply to whatever they're going through right now. It's not like I take these things to heart, but I like to read my horoscope at the beginning of the year, then somehow find my way back to it at the end of the year and see how things turned out in hindsight. After reading this, I can't wait to read my horoscopes according to Cosmo, Marie Claire, and Town & Country!

Do you believe in horoscopes?