back to square one, or thereabouts

Tonight I touched the black and white keys again, after what feels like forever. I started with Moon River, which has always been my warm-up piece of sorts. It's really simple, and my parents like the song. Technically, it was okay, but it lacked heart because I was anything but sure of myself.

I followed it up with Memory, and it was downhill from there. I no longer sight-read as quickly as I used to, fumbled over the bridge, and couldn't even muster a solid ending. I stood up then, killing any dream I had of tackling Gone tonight.

It's the main reason I haven't played in a very long time. I know that I'm nowhere as good as I used to be once upon a time, and the thought of sitting on the bench, struggling again does things to my ego. It dawned upon me that this may be what it feels like to lose a limb or something: the frustration over not being able to do something you used to do very well, the feeling of being back at square one. Well, not exactly, as square one would mean I had forgotten everything, but still. I miss doing runs. I miss memorizing pieces and playing them from memory. I miss how good I used to be.

It will take practice to get that back. More than that, it will take a lot to swallow the bitter pill and accept that it's no longer an easy ride, that I will need to work hard to get back in shape. The question is, do I want it badly enough?

verbal diarrhea

The minute I posted the words "Writing has become equated to work," I realized that I didn't want it to be true. So here I am, forcing myself to come up with a blog entry that is all about randomness, nothing deep, nothing profound. Literally, verbal diarrhea (cue yucky mental image).

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It's been almost two weeks since my love and I last saw each other. Things haven't been back to normal since Ondoy: 1) landline's busted, so we haven't had a decent phone conversation in ages; 2) I have no Internet at home, so we can't even chat; 3) his shift is still until 9:30PM, so we can only go out on Friday nights. It's hard. It almost feels like we're in a long distance relationship. But what's amazing is that even if it's hard, even if we're almost just textmates, we're hanging in there. We're finding ways to cope and be happy. Because we are happy.

But dammit we're going out on Friday, and I won't take no for an answer! So there.

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I didn't get to register for the 2010 elections. I tried though, three times. But I also struck out three times. It's a long story, but it made me think that maybe my reasons for this last-minute decision to vote weren't the best of reasons. I just don't want a former president convicted of plunder to stand a chance. Whether he was pardoned or not, it doesn't seem to matter as the current justice system allows people who are in jail to run anyway. Here's what I don't get: these people are supposed to be lawmakers, and they're in jail precisely because they broke the law. It's tough to be a law-abiding citizen when you have these kinds of lawmakers as your role models-- they're either in jail or using Congress as a stage for grandstanding, a platform for promoting their own interests, anything but a chance to make laws for the better of our country.

And even if you say that that's precisely the reason why people should register and vote --to make sure that good, honorable people are elected into office-- I'm sad to say that I'm too cynical to believe that idealism and good intentions can still make a difference. Good people just get eaten alive by the system. I have no faith in government anymore. Oh, I believe that there are still a lot of good and honorable people in this country, and I think that they're all finding their own ways to help., ways that don't involve joining government ranks.

So who's left running the government if all the good people are in the private sector? Idiots. That's why I never wanted to vote and get involved in politics.

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I have one book to go on my reading list (Bridget Jones: the Edge of Reason, which I really need to bring home from the office), but already I've started building a new reading list. I've even crossed off some titles already, heehee!

1. About a Boy by Nick Hornby

I bought this during Ondoy with the intention of reading it in a coffee shop. That didn't happen because hanging out with friends was more fun. I'm done with this one, whee!

2. Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin

The only missing book in my Emily Giffin collection, which I decided to complete. This is what I was reading before I got sidetracked by Grey's Anatomy.

3. The Other Side of the Story by Marian Keyes

An impulse buy, it seems like a very interesting read. I saw it in Powerbooks Megamall, walked away from it, hoped to see it in Fully Booked Promenade, and felt incredibly sad when I didn't. My love took one look at my face and said, "Let's go to Megamall and get your book." This is why I love him. <3

4. Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

Proof that I cannot resist the words "sale" and "promo". I was in Fully Booked Bonifacio High Street when I saw that Fully Booked discount card holders were entitled to a 10% discount for credit card purchases of this book. I have a card! I get the discount! Sold.

5. The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory

The latest purchase. I was in Fully Booked Eastwood Mall (it looks like I've been doing the rounds of all Fully Booked branches!) when I saw this on the shelf. I've been seeing the mass market paperback version everywhere, but the trade paperback version has been elusive. Of course, because my copy of The Other Boleyn Girl is trade paperback, it wouldn't look good on the bookshelf if I got a mass market paperback version of the other Philippa Gregory books. So when I saw this last piece, trade paperback version sitting on the shelf, I held on to it and never let go.

I can't promise I won't buy any more books, but I can at least promise to find more time to read. :D

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Okay, I think that's enough for now. Whew. Have a happy Wednesday!