back to square one, or thereabouts

Tonight I touched the black and white keys again, after what feels like forever. I started with Moon River, which has always been my warm-up piece of sorts. It's really simple, and my parents like the song. Technically, it was okay, but it lacked heart because I was anything but sure of myself.

I followed it up with Memory, and it was downhill from there. I no longer sight-read as quickly as I used to, fumbled over the bridge, and couldn't even muster a solid ending. I stood up then, killing any dream I had of tackling Gone tonight.

It's the main reason I haven't played in a very long time. I know that I'm nowhere as good as I used to be once upon a time, and the thought of sitting on the bench, struggling again does things to my ego. It dawned upon me that this may be what it feels like to lose a limb or something: the frustration over not being able to do something you used to do very well, the feeling of being back at square one. Well, not exactly, as square one would mean I had forgotten everything, but still. I miss doing runs. I miss memorizing pieces and playing them from memory. I miss how good I used to be.

It will take practice to get that back. More than that, it will take a lot to swallow the bitter pill and accept that it's no longer an easy ride, that I will need to work hard to get back in shape. The question is, do I want it badly enough?

verbal diarrhea

The minute I posted the words "Writing has become equated to work," I realized that I didn't want it to be true. So here I am, forcing myself to come up with a blog entry that is all about randomness, nothing deep, nothing profound. Literally, verbal diarrhea (cue yucky mental image).

-=-=-=-

It's been almost two weeks since my love and I last saw each other. Things haven't been back to normal since Ondoy: 1) landline's busted, so we haven't had a decent phone conversation in ages; 2) I have no Internet at home, so we can't even chat; 3) his shift is still until 9:30PM, so we can only go out on Friday nights. It's hard. It almost feels like we're in a long distance relationship. But what's amazing is that even if it's hard, even if we're almost just textmates, we're hanging in there. We're finding ways to cope and be happy. Because we are happy.

But dammit we're going out on Friday, and I won't take no for an answer! So there.

-=-=-=-

I didn't get to register for the 2010 elections. I tried though, three times. But I also struck out three times. It's a long story, but it made me think that maybe my reasons for this last-minute decision to vote weren't the best of reasons. I just don't want a former president convicted of plunder to stand a chance. Whether he was pardoned or not, it doesn't seem to matter as the current justice system allows people who are in jail to run anyway. Here's what I don't get: these people are supposed to be lawmakers, and they're in jail precisely because they broke the law. It's tough to be a law-abiding citizen when you have these kinds of lawmakers as your role models-- they're either in jail or using Congress as a stage for grandstanding, a platform for promoting their own interests, anything but a chance to make laws for the better of our country.

And even if you say that that's precisely the reason why people should register and vote --to make sure that good, honorable people are elected into office-- I'm sad to say that I'm too cynical to believe that idealism and good intentions can still make a difference. Good people just get eaten alive by the system. I have no faith in government anymore. Oh, I believe that there are still a lot of good and honorable people in this country, and I think that they're all finding their own ways to help., ways that don't involve joining government ranks.

So who's left running the government if all the good people are in the private sector? Idiots. That's why I never wanted to vote and get involved in politics.

-=-=-=-

I have one book to go on my reading list (Bridget Jones: the Edge of Reason, which I really need to bring home from the office), but already I've started building a new reading list. I've even crossed off some titles already, heehee!

1. About a Boy by Nick Hornby

I bought this during Ondoy with the intention of reading it in a coffee shop. That didn't happen because hanging out with friends was more fun. I'm done with this one, whee!

2. Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin

The only missing book in my Emily Giffin collection, which I decided to complete. This is what I was reading before I got sidetracked by Grey's Anatomy.

3. The Other Side of the Story by Marian Keyes

An impulse buy, it seems like a very interesting read. I saw it in Powerbooks Megamall, walked away from it, hoped to see it in Fully Booked Promenade, and felt incredibly sad when I didn't. My love took one look at my face and said, "Let's go to Megamall and get your book." This is why I love him. <3

4. Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger

Proof that I cannot resist the words "sale" and "promo". I was in Fully Booked Bonifacio High Street when I saw that Fully Booked discount card holders were entitled to a 10% discount for credit card purchases of this book. I have a card! I get the discount! Sold.

5. The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory

The latest purchase. I was in Fully Booked Eastwood Mall (it looks like I've been doing the rounds of all Fully Booked branches!) when I saw this on the shelf. I've been seeing the mass market paperback version everywhere, but the trade paperback version has been elusive. Of course, because my copy of The Other Boleyn Girl is trade paperback, it wouldn't look good on the bookshelf if I got a mass market paperback version of the other Philippa Gregory books. So when I saw this last piece, trade paperback version sitting on the shelf, I held on to it and never let go.

I can't promise I won't buy any more books, but I can at least promise to find more time to read. :D

-=-=-=-

Okay, I think that's enough for now. Whew. Have a happy Wednesday!

Oh, Ondoy!

I realized how fortunate I am that my last entry was about moving into my new room. Days after that entry was written, Typhoon Ondoy happened-- if I hadn't moved when I did, all of my things would've been flooded downstairs.

Yes, for the first time in our lives, our house was flooded. In fact, it was the first time for all the houses here in our village, I would think. More than the flood, however, I think it was extra nerve-wracking that we weren't all home when it happened. I ended up on an extended sleepover with my friends in Holiday Inn --what was supposed to be an overnight thing turned into a 4D-3N stay, as if we'd gone out of town-- while my dad was stranded with our driver at the mall after doing his groceries. He ended up staying there overnight, sleeping in the car, as the flood waters rose beyond neck-deep in Marcos Highway.

I was lucky, I guess, but I couldn't enjoy the luxury of being in a hotel as I thought of my dad, who wasn't feeling very well and had to endure an overnight stay in the car. I worried about my love and his family, after his last text was about going up on the roof of their bungalow. I had images of his entire family, including his nine-year-old brother, up on the roof in the rain. (Thankfully, they were fine, but I only found out two days later.) I worried about my mom, sister, and brother, who were at home with no electricity, flood waters rising in our first floor and trapping them on the second floor. Compound that with the images I was seeing on television and my own experience of driving through the flood and listening to the water under the car's engine, praying that the car wouldn't stall and I could get back to Holiday Inn in one piece, you could say that it was the most stressful few days ever.

Ondoy has come and gone, and new storms are on their way. We may have cleaned up our house, we may have been fortunate that the damage was not as great compared to others who really lost everything, but things have changed. The slightest hint of rain stirs up a panic in my heart as I do a mental inventory of where the rest of my family is. I haven't figured out a flood-free way to get home from my office, and that really bugs me. I worry about my ability to accurately gauge how deep flood waters really are, and what I would do if my car stalled in the middle and I was all alone.

This post is late, it's been almost a month since Ondoy happened, but sad to say the trauma remains. I don't think anyone will ever look at rain the same way again. At least, not for a very long time.

Living Space

After a month of living in our den, I have finally moved back into my room. *applause*

I enjoyed my stay in the den. While there wasn't any wifi and I'd have to stay in our sala just to go online, I had the luxury of having a TV in the room, staying up to watch CSI and the other telenovelas before finally falling asleep.

But it was meant to be a temporary arrangement, as my excitement over planning my room renovation and seeing it to the finish was mounting. I designed my new storage spaces. I looked for color schemes on Real Home Ideas: The Color Book and headed to Handyman for paint swatches. I thought of which things would go into my new storage spaces and which ones I'd have to let go of. And everyday, I asked my mom what the workers had finished, and what was left to be done.

Over the long weekend, I finally got busy with moving in to my room. I arranged my books on the shelves, sifted through the knickknacks that would find their own shelf space, oversaw the delivery of my new chair, moved clothes into my closet. By Monday evening, the last few items my room needed were finally in place, and I could say I had fully moved in.

Here's how my room looked since 1997:

It's not a great photo of my room, as you can't see the seater and the full length of the L-shaped desk. But the seater and my desk both turned into a dumpsite for all my things. While the seater and desk were added when I hit college, this is basically how the room has been since I was first year high school and it has seen me through so many experiences and heartaches (how emo!).

And here it is today:

This is the area where the seater and the desk used to be. My only request for my room was to buy a comfy chair where I could do all my reading. I'm tired of reading in bed or sitting down on the bed and leaning against the wall, so that's the only thing I really wanted for my room. Thanks to Real Living's recommendation, I discovered Mandaue Foam (along Ortigas Extension) and bought my chocolate brown recliner from them. I designed my desk to fit the bay window, and it's a design my mom wants to copy for their own desk. I love how the white and chocolate brown look against the orange wall.

The accent wall for my room is a nice, bright shade of blue. The cabinets right above my bed house my books, and my picture frames and little figurines have their own shelves as well. I like how my bed sort of has its own niche against the cabinets-- when I lie down and the lamp by my chair is on, the light doesn't get into my eyes. And of course, I love the blue wall!

See how the white cabinets break up the orange and blue walls? This is the main reason why I decided on bold and bright colors for my room, because I knew that all the white storage units would somehow soften the look. The long cabinet is a closet for added storage, and the ladder propped up against it is not only functional (as I'll need it to reach into the higher shelves) but decorative as well.

See how the blue and orange look so good together? Hanging on the orange wall is a cross-stitch I made back in seventh grade. It's a Precious Moments pattern of a boy sitting on a stool, mending the broken heart that a girl holds up for him. By some happy coincidence, the matting is blue with a touch of pink, and its wooden frame matches the frame of the mirror.

This is the component I've had since 1998, I remember that we were new to our house when I received this as a Christmas gift. It's still alive, although the tape deck no longer works and the CD tray gets stuck sometimes. I use it today to listen to the radio and to amplify the sounds on my laptop, whether I'm watching CSI or listening to my favorite playlists. It's especially helpful when the rain is pounding against my window and my laptop's volume can only go so high. The component has its own place now, above the shoe cabinet and below the cabinet that houses all of my kikay stuff.

And finally, I have my photos hanging on my walls. It's funny because I never intended to have them in frames with matting; I was only looking for the normal kinds that I could hang on the wall. Unfortunately, most 8x10 photo frames were designed for desk display and not wall display. Thank goodness a kind saleslady suggested that I buy those frames that already come with a picture, and just replace the picture with my own. The result is photos that look like they were professionally done, and I couldn't be prouder to have my own work hanging in my room.

Now that my room is finished, I can't wait to come home everyday and make the most out of my personal space. I want to sit in my recliner and read more. I want to light scented candles and relax in my room. I want to do more than crash on my bed and sleep. Because this is a room that, with it's vibrant colors, is meant to be lived in, not merely slept in.

Spotlight: "The Pact: A Love Story"

For once, I am speechless.

I started reading The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult last Saturday, and I had trouble putting it down since then. I literally had to force myself to stop reading. But this time, I can't summarize the novel or even give my own thoughts about it. All I can truly say is it was a page-turner that truly kept me hooked and wanting to know what would happen next. It kept me at the edge of my seat up to the very end, and there was no way to predict how things would end.

Jodi Picoult is truly a gifted writer, as this is the second time that she has kept me hooked on her novel. Granted, this is only the second book I've read --the first being My Sister's Keeper-- but I think that she has a way of really unravelling the story as you read, and this is something that may hold true in all her novels. At the turn of every page, you always feel like you're discovering something new, that this new bit of information is important, that all things will only find resolution in the end. She also has a gift of putting to words such complex emotions, making the reader feel how conflicted her characters truly are.

In short, The Pact: A Love Story was one of the few books that really kept me entranced all the way to the end. I'd recommend it, but only to people who don't believe that all things end with a Happily Ever After. That's not how real life is, and Jodi Picoult tries to keep it as real as it can get.

Three books to go: Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Prizes, and Good In Bed. I wonder which one I should read over the long weekend. I can't wait!

Spotlight: "Getting Rid of Matthew"

I should have blogged about this right after reading it. Now that I'm so into Jodi Picoult's The Pact, I'm having trouble remembering what this book was about. Hehe.

Getting Rid of Matthew was actually a risky buy, if you think about it. I got attracted to the title, intrigued by the story, and obsessed with finding a copy of it in every Fully Booked branch I visited. Seeing a lone copy on the shelf made me believe that it was mine for the taking. But really, it could've been a bad investment-- like any other thing in life, it could've gone either way.

But as I read on about Helen The Mistress, Sophie the Wife, and Matthew the Cheater, I found myself drawn in by the story. Helen has been with Matthew for four years and --although she has been begging him for years to leave his wife-- is slowly realizing that there is life outside of Matthew, that she does have a chance to really make something of her life this late in the game. But just when she decides that she doesn't want Matthew anymore, he finally tells his wife Sophie everything, breaks up his family, and decides to move in with Helen. The rest of the novel focuses on how Helen intends to get rid of Matthew.

What I found most interesting about this novel wasn't how she planned to get rid of Matthew, but the friendship she forged with Sophie under false pretenses. I loved the twist that Helen actually seeks out Sophie and they truly hit it off, even if Sophie has no idea who Helen really is. It makes me wonder how much messier life would be if mistresses actually went out to befriend the clueless wives. The complications of this friendship provided the novel with a lot of heart.

Of course, I won't give away the ending, but suffice to say that I enjoyed this book and wanted to go back to a couple of passages before moving on to my next book. The fact that I still remember the names of the protagonists also says something about how much I liked this book.

I'm down to four books, and I'm already two-thirds into The Pact. More on that when I'm done with it. Ciao for now!

Spotlight: "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves"

First, I have to take something off my book list. You may call it cheating, but there is some logic to this: I am removing Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Work and Life. It's ironic that I can't finish reading a book that is all about getting things done. So... let's just strike it off the list so that I can pick it up whenever I feel like it, shall we?

Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to pay homage to the nerd in me by celebrating the fact that I have finished reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss.

As the title suggests, the book is all about punctuation marks. The very title is derived from a joke about punctuation:

A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter. 'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation. 'Panda,' ran the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'

I found myself giggling at the joke, and knew that I was the right market for this book. Add to that the first paragraph that read:

Either this will ring bells for you, or it won't. A printed banner has appeared on the concourse of a petrol station near to where I live. "Come inside," it says, "for CD's, VIDEO's, DVD's, and BOOK's."

If this satanic sprinkling of redundant apostrophes causes no little gasp of horror or quickening of the pulse, you should probably put down this book at once.

Of course, I didn't put it down; I went and bought it. Truss is able to talk about the proper use of punctuation marks while educating the reader on the origins of such marks, all in a very light and humorous tone. It's not an instruction book, that's for sure, but it does make you think twice about how you punctuate your sentences.

It's also interesting to note the nuances between British English and American English. One point of contention is the placement of the comma (or period, whichever is applicable) when it comes to quotes, such as the example Truss presents:

BRITISH: Sophia asked Lord Fellamar if he was "out of his senses".

AMERICAN: Sophia asked Lord Fellamar if he was "out of his senses."

It was here that I discovered that, as I subscribe to the first option, I punctuate in a British manner (at least, in this instance). But I spell using American English, preferring "color" to "colour" and "glamor" to "glamour" (although the latter does look pretty glamorous). She also points out that what Americans call "parentheses", the Brits call "brackets", and what the Americans call "brackets", they call "square brackets". Confusing much? The book can probably get confusing if you're an American or you prefer using American English, as Truss is herself a Brit.

All in all, it was a very enlightening read that every writer --or grammar stickler-- should indulge in. I will probably find myself rereading some chapters at leisure, especially the one on the semicolon and the colon.

My book list now stands at:

The 2009 Reading List
1. The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
2. The Smart One and the Pretty One by Claire LaZebnik
3. Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin
4. A Place Called Here by Cecelia Ahern
5. If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern
6. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel
7. Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Getting Things Done by David Allen --stricken off the list
8. The Amber Room by Steve Berry
9. Doctors by Erich Segal
10. Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin
11. Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
12. Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason by Helen Fielding
13. Prizes by Erich Segal
14. Live a Little by Kim Green
15. Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss
16. Raising the Peaceable Kingdom by Jeffrey Maoussaieff Mason
17. Baby Proof by Emily Giffin
18. Something Blue by Emily Giffin
19. The Pact: A Love Story by Jodi Picoult
20. Getting Rid of Matthew by Jane Fallon
21. Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner --New entry!

Yes, yes, I know that that's a new entry right there, but I've always been curious about this author. Upon seeing that Powerbooks was on sale, I succumbed and finally bought one of her books. But since I removed a book off the list, we're still at 20! And now, I have five books to go before I can say I'm done. As long as I don't add to it anymore (let's cross our hearts and hope to die), looks like I can finish this list before Christmas!

The best part is, it's a non-working holiday tomorrow and I get to recuperate in bed! With a good book, perhaps? We'll see! :)